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This is for the women (and men) that feel their soul stirring for someone whom it shouldn't stir for. Maybe you are in a complicated situation. Maybe you don't understand why you are falling or feeling something for someone who you should be feeling absolutely nothing for. You're not able to control it. I am not sure if you have experienced an unveiling (kashf) or not, but its when Allah unveils to you that a specific person is meant to be your spouse. Whether that is the fin

We live in a world where people measure our worth by our job, productivity, and money. But behind the surface, someone can be fighting battles internally that nobody sees- while still being judged for not “doing enough.”

An honest audio about what it feels like to carry heartbreak for months while the other person has already moved on. Sometimes one person is devastated while the other feels relief- and that imbalance is one of the deepest pains to live through.

In many South Asian and Middle Eastern families, women are shamed for having a social life, freedom, friends, or independence. This reflection is about how that culture controls women- and why we need to stop apologizing for simply living our lives.

For a long time I believed becoming closer to Allah meant cutting off parts of myself- my interests, hobbies, and personality. But I’m realizing that Allah doesn’t ask us to erase who we are; He asks us to stay authentic within the guidance of Islam.

For the past several months, I’ve been seeing the word “March” everywhere. I don’t know what it means yet, but something in me feels like this month holds movement- maybe closure, maybe opportunity, maybe a shift in my life that I can’t see yet. Note: Some messages are meant to be heard, not just read. From here on, I’ll be sharing more in audio form.

I keep having the same dream over and over again- that my family is moving back to our home country. I don’t know what it means, but the repetition makes me feel like the dream is trying to tell me something. Note: In my audio recordings I referenced Iran, but I’ve since updated the story to reflect the real place- Pakistan.

Missing your old life is normal. There are days I wake up and question the decision to leave my marriage. I took the biggest decision of my life and as sure as I was and am.. it's still scary. I wake up and just miss the old me. I miss my old life. The structure that it had. Yes, I wasn't fully at peace with my marriage. Yes, there was emotional betrayel. But I just miss having the stability, the structure, and a companion.. There are days when I miss my husband.. alot. It's

If you have been reading my blogs, you know that I wrote a lot about my awakening experience, the signs, love, heartbreak.. But with this blog, I will write about the purpose of this pain. It's rarely talked about. Let's put awakening, signs, heartbreak, all of that to the side.. Why are you experiencing this soul-shattering pain? I honestly don't know what other words to describe this pain. I know it sounds scary, but I have gone through so many nights where I just wanted t

Well- I did not see this coming. I feel like I got hit with an idea out of nowhere. As you know, I’ve been making tasbihs for the past few months. At first, it was just two. Then slowly I kept making more. Once a week or so. I told myself they were for me. That this was just a way to increase my dhikr. Something to do while I sit in stillness. A quiet hobby. This went on for few months actually.. Then after I went to Casablanca the second time around, I got the idea to come b

Let the title speak for itself. This morning I ran to the bathroom and I was scrolling through an Instagram post that talked about how closure comes from Allah- not the man. It hit me.. hard. Allah unveiled it to me today. The truth for release. For the past 6 months, I have been under the illusion that the closure comes from the man. Just imagine it- the man you love never messages you again.. if he never messages you to acknowledge what you guys were, how sorry her is, what

The title says it. Why is this hitting me tonight? I know I am stating the obvious- but everything was in my head. This entire story. Rafiq and I. Him being my soul mate. Me going to Pakistan. Him reaching out to me. Us having a reunion. Getting married. Having kids. ....... Nothing is real. And I know I am stating the obvious, but how could I be this delusional? How did I build an entire life in my head that has no physical evidence? For the past eight months, I’ve been livi

Let me guess- you constantly check your phone hoping for a message from the man and every time your heart feels a little disappointed. You wait days and weeks hoping to get a text or call from him and he never reaches out. Your heart is exhausted waiting for him to finally make a move.. finally show up for you. To say something- anything at all. And it never happens. Ladies- I have been there. I would go through all of my socials and even emails hoping he found a way to bypas

Let me guess. You tried everything- Talking yourself out of it Numbing yourself Distracting yourself Trying to kill the obsessive thoughts Trying to avoid the fantasies Trying to stop imagining scenarios The list goes on.. You tried everything to make it stop. To make the feeling go away. To stop loving that man. Yet nothing works. That's when the truth comes in. Let's talk about it.. I am in this exact phase right now and the realization hit me.. literally now. I tried so mu

I'm not sure if every awakened woman experiences a job/career loss, but I believe a lot of them do. I am one of them. My job pretty much ended the same time my awakening began.. when I was in Casablance with Zaria. That's when I found out that I am getting laid off. It's been 7 months since then and I still haven't found a job. I don’t know if it’s because I delayed taking action… or if this is somehow part of Allah’s plan. I really don't know. At first, I actually felt relie

When I went to Casablanca about a month and a half ago with my friends, we mostly prayed at different mosques, did some sightseeing, ate really good food, shopped- the usual. But on my last day there, something random caught my attention. The bazaars were selling a lot of tasbihs… but not just regular ones. They had these miniature-sized tasbihs everywhere. Prior to this trip, I never thought about making mini sized tasbihs. I was only making full 99 bead ones or honesty- jus

I was thinking earlier today about how our society is, especially in Western countries. I was reflecting back at how I and many others around me were raised, despite having a Muslim upbringing. Our entire lives have always been 'dunya-centric'. Focusing on school, grades, graduating, career, making money, success, falling in love, getting married, buying a house, having kids.. Islam is just treated as a side-gig. It might be something muslims think about one a year during Ram

After coming back to my parents house, I have been hit with a flood of signs. The same signs I was seeing months prior- which I wrote about in my "Mr. T" blog.. those signs are back. I am seeing it literally everywhere. Every single place I look I see T or TR or my initials paired with T/TR. I also see a specific location along with these letters over and over. I’m not going to lie… every time I notice it, my heart drops. Because I’m still attached to the idea of Rafiq.I’m st

There is one question that I have been avoiding the entire time. I was too scared to ask myself. If you’ve ever gone through a spiritual awakening after heartbreak, you know there’s always that one question your heart doesn’t feel ready to face. I avoided it for months. But tonight, I finally sat with it. "What would I do with my life if my future does not include Rafiq?" Honestly.. I never thought about it. I was scared to. Even if I tried to think about it in the past, it w

I got back from my Casablanca trip last week and today was my final hearing for my divorce with my husband. My iddat period also started today as well.. It's a sad day to say the least. Throughout my blogs, I’ve written about awakening, signs, Rafiq, love, longing… all of it. But I haven’t spoken enough about the pain of leaving a marriage behind. Of closing a chapter of your life- permanently. Especially when you’re leaving a good man.. My husband was a good man. He loved me