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So I'm leaving my parent's home and staying with my cousin and her husband.. They have a room available, which feels like exactly what I need right now. More than anything, they’re busy with their own lives-and that alone gives me the space I’ve been craving. Space to finally sit with everything that’s happened over the past few months without feeling watched, questioned, or rushed. I love my family deeply, but I had to make this move for my own sanity. I’ve just left my husb

I got back from my Paris trip a few days ago and returned to my family. When I first had the dream instructing me to leave my marriage, I was in denial thinking that I will simply go back to my family's house and stay there until I get re-married again, if i get re-married again. I imagined it would be calm. Peaceful. I pictured myself resting, spending time with my parents and siblings again, writing in quiet, and slowly settling into my “new” life. I was completely wrong. I

There's a pattern to awakenings. I’m starting to understand that now-slowly, painfully, as I live through it. It often begins the same way: The man pulls away. The woman is left devastated. Then the awakening begins. The woman is shown that this is the one. The soulmate. The divine love written for her. After this point, the woman likely spends many months obessing, fantasizing, and day-dreaming about this love.. She believes this love is sacred- that Allah showed it to her b

You know it's crazy to think back to the days I spent crying and being anxious in Paris/Strasbourg. I spent majority of the time crying..sobbing.. longing..replaying memories of Rafiq and I.. trembling internally.. feeling outright horrible. While it was happening, it was the worst feeling ever. Even when nothing was on my mind, it's like my body was still shaking from the inside. I couldn't control it. But that's not the point. While I was in it, I spent all that time beggin