My Divorce.

I got back from my Casablanca trip last week and today was my final hearing for my divorce with my husband. My iddat period also started today as well..

It's a sad day to say the least.

Throughout my blogs, I’ve written about awakening, signs, Rafiq, love, longing… all of it.

But I haven’t spoken enough about the pain of leaving a marriage behind. Of closing a chapter of your life- permanently.

Especially when you’re leaving a good man..

My husband was a good man. He loved me deeply. And at one point, I loved him deeply too.

That was before everything shifted between us.

I don't talk much about my marriage or my history with my husband.. that's something I will keep in my heart and let it stay between Allah and I.

But what I can say is this- this was the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my entire life.

Leaving the love of my life behind.

The man who I thought was my soul mate.

The man who I believed would be the father of my children.

The man who I truly believed I would spend the rest of my life with...

Until Allah showed me something different.

Leaving all of this behind was the most difficult thing ever.

Years of doubt. Years of emptiness. Years of internal shame. And somehow it all led to this one courtroom, this one signature, this one ending.

No matter how much I grieved our love, mentally prepared for this day, or thought I was ready to move forward- divorce still hits the heart in a way nothing else does.

Today is a very sad day.. All I can think about is my ex-husband and the end to our story.

The end to our love.