The Purpose Of Your Pain.

If you have been reading my blogs, you know that I wrote a lot about my awakening experience, the signs, love, heartbreak..

But with this blog, I will write about the purpose of this pain. It's rarely talked about.

Let's put awakening, signs, heartbreak, all of that to the side..

Why are you experiencing this soul-shattering pain?

I honestly don't know what other words to describe this pain. I know it sounds scary, but I have gone through so many nights where I just wanted to end my life..

It's the truth. I thought of ways to make this pain stop, to make the thoughts stop, to make the uncertainty stop..

For all of it to just stop once and for all...

To end this.. with my own hands.

Right before writing this blog, I went through one of these episodes...

I always feel like this pain will end my life- and then it goes away. Then it comes back, then goes away.

It's the worst.

Maybe you are also experiencing this.

The only reason I don't act on my thoughts is because I am a believer and I don't want to be punished for this.

Literally nothing helps. No amount of thinking, researching, analyzing helps.. at some point even duas and praying don't help. That's when I felt the most hopless and out of control.

However- there is one thing that does help.

Its when you understand the purpose of your pain.

Why is Allah letting you suffer so much? Why is Allah testing you with this?

Why? Why? Why?

The answer is because this dunya is temporary. It's to expetiate your sins. It's to elevate you in rank. It's because he loves you. It's to pull you closer to him. It's to make your akhirah beautiful. It's to give you Jannah.

And happiness for an eternity. Pain in this dunya is timeless beauty in the hereafter.

There is no comparison.

That's why you are suffering so much. That's why it feels unbearable.. there's meaning in this pain.

I know first-hand that this pain can feel so bad at times to the point you want your life to end... but you just have to get through it.

I have no amazing advice or words to say to make you feel better.. other than just trust Allah- that there is a meaning behind all of this even if you can't see it in the moment.

And just... keep going.