Awakening Tips and Lifestyle

Missing your old life is normal. There are days I wake up and question the decision to leave my marriage. I took the biggest decision of my life and as sure as I was and am.. it's still scary. I wake up and just miss the old me. I miss my old life. The structure that it had. Yes, I wasn't fully at peace with my marriage. Yes, there was emotional betrayel. But I just miss having the stability, the structure, and a companion.. There are days when I miss my husband.. alot. It's

If you have been reading my blogs, you know that I wrote a lot about my awakening experience, the signs, love, heartbreak.. But with this blog, I will write about the purpose of this pain. It's rarely talked about. Let's put awakening, signs, heartbreak, all of that to the side.. Why are you experiencing this soul-shattering pain? I honestly don't know what other words to describe this pain. I know it sounds scary, but I have gone through so many nights where I just wanted t

Let the title speak for itself. This morning I ran to the bathroom and I was scrolling through an Instagram post that talked about how closure comes from Allah- not the man. It hit me.. hard. Allah unveiled it to me today. The truth for release. For the past 6 months, I have been under the illusion that the closure comes from the man. Just imagine it- the man you love never messages you again.. if he never messages you to acknowledge what you guys were, how sorry her is, what

Let me guess- you constantly check your phone hoping for a message from the man and every time your heart feels a little disappointed. You wait days and weeks hoping to get a text or call from him and he never reaches out. Your heart is exhausted waiting for him to finally make a move.. finally show up for you. To say something- anything at all. And it never happens. Ladies- I have been there. I would go through all of my socials and even emails hoping he found a way to bypas

Let me guess. You tried everything- Talking yourself out of it Numbing yourself Distracting yourself Trying to kill the obsessive thoughts Trying to avoid the fantasies Trying to stop imagining scenarios The list goes on.. You tried everything to make it stop. To make the feeling go away. To stop loving that man. Yet nothing works. That's when the truth comes in. Let's talk about it.. I am in this exact phase right now and the realization hit me.. literally now. I tried so mu

I was thinking earlier today about how our society is, especially in Western countries. I was reflecting back at how I and many others around me were raised, despite having a Muslim upbringing. Our entire lives have always been 'dunya-centric'. Focusing on school, grades, graduating, career, making money, success, falling in love, getting married, buying a house, having kids.. Islam is just treated as a side-gig. It might be something muslims think about one a year during Ram

During the stillness phase or known as the "cocoon phase", it feels like your duas are bouncing off the walls. The past month or so that's how I have been feeling.. I made so many duas. I prayed tahajjud several times, even isthikhara. I always ask for the same thing over and over.. "Allah- If what Rafiq and I have is true and if it's written for us to be together, then open an unexpected door that only you can open. If not, then gently remove him from my heart." Everytime I

Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah  (I seek forgiveness from Allah) Effect: Instant softness in the heart Anxiety and depression easing Obsessive thoughts quieting Emotional heaviness lifting Within a few days to a week, the shift can feel undeniable. Even if nothing external changes, you internally feel more at peace. ------------------------ Ya Fattah The Opener. The One who unlocks what is closed.The One who clears paths. This Name is directly connected to: New beginnings Movem

If you are going through an awakening, then you will surely go through stillness- also known as the "cocoon" phase. This is the phase where you are waiting for Allah to open the new door. Your old life ended and your new life hasn't started yet. You marriage is ending, you moved to a temporary location, your job may have ended.. yet nothing has started. You are stuck in the middle with no partner, no permenant home, no job, barely any money, and no set routine. When my cocoon

The title says it all. I had to make it as bold as I possibly could. There are no articles on this online. I've spent months searching up similar stories to what I have experienced and there's absolutely nothing. Do you believe you are seeing signs? Are you seeing back to back things such as colors, words, name, etc? Did you get an unusual feeling as if Allah dropped a knowing in your body related to your future (love life, marriage, etc)? Do you feel like something unusual i

I have talked a lot about love for Rafiq, even about love for Allah. I didn't talk much about love for myself. Infact, it's something I didn't realize until tonight. I went through in-laws betrayal while being married to my husband. They weren't happy with my lifestyle and individualism. My cousin and I were discussing my experience within my marriage and she was asking me what I expect or what I am looking for differently in my next marriage, if Allah wills it. I kept saying

Let me guess. You're suffering through a deep heartbreak; whether that man pulled away, left you, betrayed you.. whatever it might be. Regardless of who you are- there is a REAL reason this is happening to you. And no- it has absolutely nothing to do with that man. Infact, it's not even that man's fault. It's yours. But before I blame you; let me take some blame for myself. I am the perfect example of this. My entire life I have cared about love. So fricking much. I grew up w

I know how you feel. Hopeless. Helpless. No words. Mentally ill. No matter how much you cry, how much you pray, how much you beg.. nothing changes. This shitty feeling- it continues and you know it will continues. It feels like you are stuck. Obsessed. Abnormal. You're in love with someone who may not even care for you or even think about you. The way you suffered day and night.. they didn't. For them time flew by. For you- everything was stuck in place. That place is when yo

I don't even like the color grey. Never did. However, after this.. it sits in a special place in my heart. This is a big one. I visited a couple friends last night and we were all discussing different rulings of Islam. We all like to debate alot and are very passionate when it comes to Islamic topics.. The question came up- If Islam is black and white or if it has a grey area? All of my friends argued and gave references to the quran.. they gave many different examples on why

While growing up, I have always been super expressive. I have always been bold when it comes to love. However, when Allah is involved in the story, our habits take a backseat. You can no longer steer what's not yours to steer. Rafiq knew I was falling in love with him.. but he didn't know that I loved him. I didn't understand where that love was coming from. It felt like it was planted by Allah. I wasn't understanding why I am crying so much over this guy.. I have fallen in l

This is one of the craziet part's about awakening. No matter how bad it gets, and trust me- it can get pretty bad.. you just can't share this with anybody. It's so strange. There is no other experience in life that is like this. If a person goes through all hardship in life, whether its loss, death, heartbreak, illness, depression, etc- they can share it with their loved ones. I have a lot of loved ones. A big family. Siblings. So many good friends. I wish so much that I can

This is the part of awakening that nobody warned me about. There is an internal and then there is an external. Interally, awakened women are going through a lot. It literally feels like a ego/soul death. It's a total rewiring of not just a person's life, but a person's mind, heart, soul, everything. On the outside, nobody sees that. Externally, people will judge you based off what they see. And what is it that they will see? They will just see a woman going through a divorce-

In this journey, I focused so much on trying to figure out what my outcome would be. Is it Rafiq? Is it another man? Am I meant to be single forever? Will I find love again? Eventually.. I will get the answers to all of these questions. It may take a long time, but one day- I will know. However, there is one question that has crossed my mind hundred's of times.. and no matter how much I analyze it, over think it, try to figure it out.. I know that I will never know the answer

This is a big one. I didn't realize it, until now. Before my Paris trip, anytime I read stories of other awakened women and how Allah gives that woman either release (to let the masculine go) or the reunion (he comes back and expresses his heart).. I would always flinch at the thought of release. This used to happen a lot. In my mind, I could only imagine reunion. The thought of release was painful to me. It almost sounded like a bad word.. I couldn't get myself to think of i

You know it's crazy to think back to the days I spent crying and being anxious in Paris/Strasbourg. I spent majority of the time crying..sobbing.. longing..replaying memories of Rafiq and I.. trembling internally.. feeling outright horrible. While it was happening, it was the worst feeling ever. Even when nothing was on my mind, it's like my body was still shaking from the inside. I couldn't control it. But that's not the point. While I was in it, I spent all that time beggin