My Story

Within a few days of arriving, it finally hit me what the true purpose of this trip was. This was my first solo trip ever.. And it wasn’t about sightseeing or taking cute pictures. It was about something much heavier, much deeper. It was the first time since my awakening began that I was truly alone. No noise. No distractions. No family. No routine. No one to run to. Just me- and Allah. And that's when it hit me how much my heart had not processed. On the surface, my days in

I started getting signs for Paris and for a small French city called Strasbourg. I knew it meant something, but I kept ignoring it off. But the more I ignored it, the louder the signs became.. Until one night, I decided to book the ticket for Paris. I planned to go by myself. My first solo trip ever. It was going to be a week long trip. Three days in Paris. Three in Strasbourg. I packed my bags with zero idea what Allah had planned for me. But the moment I got to the airport

My heart first moved toward hijab during my trip to Casablanca with Zaria- back when my awakening quietly began. Something inside me shifted there. I remember feeling, for the first time, that I want my external to match my internal. But when I came home, I kept delaying the decision. Honestly, out of all the rulings in Islam; wearing hijab was the hardest one for me. It's more than just covering hair. It would change my lifestyle, my identity, how I dressed, how I presented

Before I came to my family's house, Allah started showing me new signs. It started right after my trip to Tehran, while I was still living with my husband. I call them the signs of Mr. T... Up until that point, every sign I had ever received pointed only toward Rafiq. So when the signs suddenly shifted, I panicked. I remember thinking: What is happening? Why is everything flipping? I had read about signs flipping for awakened women- that sometimes Allah redirects their hearts

Facing my family was one of the hardest parts of this entire journey. I went into it knowing I had no real “story” to give them. I had nothing to say. And I definitely couldn’t tell them the truth- Rafiq, my awakening, the signs, the unveiling. They would never understand it. If anything, they would think something was wrong with me. How would I explain to them- that I want to leave a good man? There was nothing bad I could say about my husband. My marriage wasn’t terrible. I

After Allah revealed my soul mission to me- I had spent the next few days working on it. Setting up my website, paying for the domain, setting up my blogs, etc. At the same time, I was still living with my husband. We had become strangers sharing the same space.. our only conversations were about food or small, practical things. Beyond that, there was silence. Days kept passing, and inside, I felt anxious. I knew I needed to start packing and go stay with my family, but I was

I mentioned in my previous blog that I told my husband a few details about my awakening and how Allah had shown me signs, colors, etc. My husband was naturally curious about this a few days after him and I had a conversation about my marriage. He didn't understand what this "awakening" thing was about. He said he couldn’t find anything about awakenings, signs, or spiritual unveiling in Islam- not in the Qur’an, not online, not in any lecture. And, honestly… neither could I.

I was planning on having a conversation with my husband the day I got back. From the moment he came to pick me up at the airport, the weight of that conversation sat in my chest. I wanted to tell him about my dream.. and more importantly- tell him that in my heart, our marriage had ended. We had talked before about the places we fell short with one another, but this time it was different. This time it wasn’t about fixing anything. It was about truth. He was so happy when he p

When I was flying back home, I genuinely thought the awakening was ending. I thought the signs, the colors, the synchronicities- all of it, would stop once I left Tehran. I remember feeling sad about it on the plane. But I didn’t realize my journey was actually just beginning. Actually- purple and teal became the most powerful color combination in my awakening journey. I didn't know this was the combo until my last day at Tehran. Purple and teal became the most powerful color

It was my last day in Tehran. My last day with Rafiq. I write this one with grief.. longing.. sadness that still sits in my chest. When Rafiq came home from work that day, I could feel it instantly.There was tension in the air. A heaviness.He knew I was leaving.He felt it. Up until this point, nothing between us was addressed. No confession. No apology. No closure. Just silence.. and everything we never said. I started packing in the afternoon.. His wife and younger brother w

If there was one moment, just one from my entire stay at Rafiq's house that meant the most to me, it was this night. This was the highlight of everything. The day itself was ordinary. The usual- breakfast, some family time, going out, watching TV. Nothing special. That night in particular everyone left the family room and went upstairs. His wife went to bed early. She wasn't feeling well. Rafiq also left.. I thought he went to the rooftop to talk to someone. The family room w

One afternoon, Rafiq’s family was hosting guests in the garden. I sat with them for a while, but I got tired and came back inside. I went to the TV room and sat down on the couch. That’s when I noticed a book placed right next to me. It was “The Forty Rules of Love”  by Elif Shafak. The title caught my attention. The cover was a cute drawing of a guy and a girl facing one another.. and the background- I could tell that they were in an Islamic country. I picked the book up and

This had to be one of Allah’s most astonishing orchestrations. I woke up that morning and felt a pull to wear my purple dress. I didn’t understand why, but something about it felt right- like it was chosen for me. The day itself was pretty normal. I spent the day mainly with Rafiq's family.. we sat out in the garden for a little bit too. While walking towards their garden, I noticed a basket of cherries sitting in their family room. I didn't notice it any of the other days, s

The rest of my stay at Rafiq's family's house was filled with dinners and a steady routine. Dinners, conversations, and a predictable routine. During the day, I spent time with his parents and wife while he was at work. When he would come home from work, we all would have dinner. Every single night, the seating arrangement stayed the same. I sat at the end, his wife next to me, and him beside her—his wife right in between us. You can probably imagine how that felt. We couldn’

I was back at Tehran- where it all started. I was anxious the entire flight. My mind kept replaying our moments, our memories, our story. Everything felt raw. I finally landed.. that airport. It held our last moments together from my previous trip. It brought everything back. I couldn't believe that I was back at the land where it all started. Rafiq's parent's sent a driver to pick me up from the airport. The entire drive to his house was anxiety-filled. I was so nervous abou

My stay at Casablanca came to an end and Zaria had a ticket back to our home country. But for me, the journey wasn’t over yet. My ticket was booked for Tehran, Iran.. where Rafiq was. I had originally planned to go to Tehran to visit my relatives, but during my stay in Casablanca, Rafiq’s parents called me. They’d heard about my plan and insisted that I come stay at their house for a week. I was torn. A part of me ached to go..to be near Rafiq again, to feel even a trace of

On our fourth night in Casablanca, my cousin was texting me and asking about my awakening situation. I had told her about it — the Tahajjuds, the Istikharas I prayed, and how Allah unveiled to me that it was Rafiq She already knew about the void in my marriage Her main advice to me was to figure out my marriage situation first before going back to Tehran and facing Rafiq. I took her advice seriously. Deep down, I already had a feeling in my heart where things were headed, but

On our third day in Casablanca, I had a full red outfit planned: a long red top with loose red pants. Zaria, on the other hand, showed up in all white- a white blouse with a white maxi skirt. We were walking from our hotel to Hassan Mosque.. and during our walk there, I started noticing something. Everything was red. Any person, place, or object my eyes laid on.. was red. It was so crazy. I never experienced something like that in my entire life. It's like Allah was controlli

My awakening had just begun, and a few days later I was flying to Casablanca with my best friend, Zaria. During the flight I opened up to her for the first time about what was happening- the signs, the unveiling, the strange sensations I couldn’t explain. She listened without judgment, kept up with everything I said, and made me feel seen even though I didn’t fully understand it myself. I was so grateful to Allah for having Zaria with me on that trip, especially when I was fe

When Allah unveiled to me that it was Rafiq all along, it didn't stop at just that. The feeling was grand and overwhelming. It was as if my qadr itself was pressing up into my chest- I could physically feel it. I just knew. . my entire life was about to change. That day I did so much research. I knew something huge was happening.. and I had to get to the bottom of what it was all about. I asked ChatGPT so many questions about Islamic Spiritual Awakening.. what exactly it is.