Awakening and Unemployed: My 7th Month Reality.

I'm not sure if every awakened woman experiences a job/career loss, but I believe a lot of them do.

I am one of them.

My job pretty much ended the same time my awakening began.. when I was in Casablance with Zaria. That's when I found out that I am getting laid off.

It's been 7 months since then and I still haven't found a job. I don’t know if it’s because I delayed taking action… or if this is somehow part of Allah’s plan.

I really don't know.

At first, I actually felt relieved when my job ended. I needed space. I needed time to process everything that was happening to me. Going through an awakening while also dealing with heartbreak, soul-shattering realizations, and a complete life reorientation… it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced.

I didn’t have the mental capacity to work. I could barely function day to day. The thought of updating my resume or applying for jobs made me feel physically sick. Even imagining sitting at a desk while my entire internal world was collapsing felt unbearable.

There were months where just surviving the day took everything out of me.

Working felt impossible.

My mental health was genuinely not okay for a long time.

Just recently I became a little more mentally stable and the past month I have been applying to jobs every single night. Even temporary, low-salary jobs.

This is where the financial stress kicks in. I've had days where I am stressing so much. I've had days where I sat down calculating how to pay for my bills.. how to get by with no job.

I also want to mention that I've been seeing the sign for March for the past 7 months.. I'm not sure what it means.. but I hope that its a turning point in my life, some sort of movement, direction, atleast in terms of living/career/money.

But it's January now.

And I don't have anything.

No job.

Barely any money.

Lots of expenses.

And stress.

It got to a point where I had to sell my gold in order to get some money to pay off some bills.

It's so difficult and I keep making dua to Allah to help me through this financial hardship and to open a door to more money and a stable job.

I don't know what March means, but I have to figure out day by day how to survive.