My Story

After my mission reveal, I had spent the next few days working on it. Setting up my website, paying for the domain, setting up my blogs, etc. At the same time, I was still living with my husband. We had become strangers sharing the same space.. our only conversations were about food or small, practical things. Beyond that, there was silence. Days kept passing, and inside, I felt anxious. I knew I needed to start packing and move back in with my family, but I wasn’t ready yet.

I mentioned in my previous blog that I told my husband a few details about my awakening and how Allah had shown me signs, colors, etc. My husband was naturally curious about this a few days after him and I had a conversation about our marriage. He didn't understand what this "awakening" thing was about. He said he couldn’t find anything about awakenings, signs, or spiritual unveiling in Islam- not in the Qur’an, not online, not in any lecture. And, honestly… neither could I.

I was planning on having a conversation with my husband the day I got back. From the moment he came to pick me up at the airport, the weight of that conversation sat in my chest. I wanted to tell him about my dream.. and more importantly- tell him that in my heart, our marriage had ended. We had talked before about the places we fell short with one another, but this time it was different. This time it wasn’t about fixing anything. It was about truth. He was so happy when he p

When I was flying back home, I genuinely thought the awakening was ending. I thought the signs, the colors, the synchronicities- all of it, would stop once I left Pakistan. I remember feeling sad about it on the plane. But I didn’t realize my journey was actually just beginning.. I landed at the airport back home, expecting silence. To my surprise, I instantly starting seeing signs again. I saw the word 'Unite" huge on a billboard. While getting my lugagge, I saw pink every

It was my last day in Pakistan. My last day with Rafiq. I write this one with grief.. longing.. sadness that still sits in my chest. When Rafiq came home from work that day, I could feel it instantly. There was tension in the air. A heaviness. He knew I was leaving. Up until this point, nothing between us was addressed. No confession. No apology. No closure. Just silence.. and everything we never said. I started packing in the afternoon. His wife and younger brother were help

If there was one moment, just one from my entire stay at Rafiq's house that meant the most to me, it was this one. This was the highlight of everything. The day itself was ordinary. The usual; breakfast, some family time, going out, watching TV. Nothing special. That night in particular everyone left the family room and went upstairs. His wife went to bed early. She wasn't feeling well. Rafiq also left.. I thought he went to the rooftop to talk to someone. The family room was

One afternoon, Rafiq’s family was hosting guests in the garden. I sat with them for a while, but I got tired and came back inside. I went to the TV room and sat down on the couch. That’s when I noticed a book placed right next to me. It was “The Forty Rules of Love” by Elif Shafak. The title caught my attention. The cover was a cute drawing of a guy and a girl facing one another.. and the background- I could tell that they were in an Islamic country. I picked the book up and

This had to be one of Allah’s most astonishing orchestrations. I woke up that morning and felt a pull to wear my purple dress. I didn’t understand why, but something about it felt right- like it was chosen for me. The day itself was pretty normal. I spent the day mainly with Rafiq's family.. we sat out in the garden for a little bit too. While walking towards their garden, I noticed a basket of cherries sitting in their family room. I didn't notice it any of the other days, s

The rest of my stay at Rafiq's family's house was filled with dinners and a steady routine. Dinners, conversations, and a predictable routine. During the day, I spent time with his parents and wife while he was at work. When he would come home from work, we all would have dinner. Every single night, the seating arrangement stayed the same. I sat at the end, his wife next to me, and him beside her- his wife right in between us. You can probably imagine how that felt. We couldn

I was going back to Islamabad, Pakistan- where it all started. I was anxious the entire drive there. My mind kept replaying our moments, our memories, our story. Everything felt raw. I was so nervous about our first meeting. I kept imagining how he would react. Would he ignore me? Would he be cold or distant? Would he be normal at all? Should I say hi first? Should I say hi first or just wait for him? I was so nervous. I was in such an awkward situation.. one that only Allah

My stay in Turkey came to an end and Zaria had a ticket back home. But for me, the journey wasn’t over yet. I had a ticket booked for Pakistan. A move that made no sense at the time. I was never the type to fly to my home country, especially all alone, but something in my heart had shifted. I was drowning in heartbreak and exhaustion. I wanted to get away from USA. I wanted a refresher. A way to reset myself. This plan was made before my awakening started; when I wanted to fo

Zaria and I left Istanbul and flew to Cappadocia. Before my flight, my cousin texted me asking about my awakening situation. I had told her about iit: The Tahajjuds, the Istikharas I prayed, and how Allah unveiled to me that it was Rafiq. She already knew about the void in my marriage Her main advice to me was to figure out my marriage situation first before going back to Pakistan and facing Rafiq. I took her advice seriously. Deep down, I already had a feeling in my heart wh

On our third day in Istanbul, I had a full red outfit planned: a long red top with loose red pants. Zaria, on the other hand, showed up in all white- a white blouse with a white maxi skirt. We were walking from our hotel to Blue Mosque.. and during our walk there, I started noticing something. Everything was red. Any person, place, or object my eyes laid on.. was red. It was so crazy. I never experienced something like that in my entire life. It's like Allah was controlling m

My awakening had just begun, and a few days later I was flying to Istanbul with my best friend, Zaria. During the flight I opened up to her for the first time about what was happening- the signs, the unveiling, the strange sensations I couldn’t explain. She listened without judgment, kept up with everything I said, and made me feel seen even though I didn’t fully understand it myself. I was so grateful to Allah for having Zaria with me on that trip, especially when I was feel

When Allah unveiled to me that it was Rafiq all along, it didn't stop at just that. The feeling was grand and overwhelming. It was as if my qadr itself was pressing up into my chest- I could physically feel it. I just knew. . my entire life was about to change. That day I did so much research. I knew something huge was happening.. and I had to get to the bottom of what it was all about. I asked ChatGPT so many questions about Islamic Spiritual Awakening.. what exactly it is.

The first time Allah unveiled the truth to me, it didn’t arrive as an idea. It arrived as a certainty that ran straight through my bones. No words were needed. It was mystical, undeniable, and so real. If you’ve ever experienced your first unveiling, you know exactly what I mean. Nothing in this dunya compares to that feeling. My heart and soul instantly knew what Allah was trying to tell me, but my brain had a hard time catching up. That was the hardest part- the brain deman

Do you want to know the moment when I realized something is happening to me- beyond the heartbreak, the tears, the pain, the desire, and the endless duas? It was this moment. It was when I finally surrendered. I reached a point where I didn’t even want reunion anymore- I just wanted the truth. Up until then, I thought I was going through a normal heartbreak and then funniest thing of all- I thought I was living a normal life. This was the moment Allah woke me up to what I h

I prayed Tahajjud and after that night, everything shifted. I still remember it like it happened yesterday. I didn't sleep the entire night. I was awake until 8 am. My love for Rafiq was pouring out of me. It wasn't just in my thoughts.. it was in my soul. So I continued praying Tahajjud and Ishtikhara. Again and again. And slowly, what I now call my mini-unveilings began. Allah didn’t just bring Rafiq back to my heart. He anchored him there. Deeper. Stronger. Clearer. It go

The night Allah redirected my heart back to Rafiq was just a baby step in my awakening journey. But before I dive into my awakening, I need to take you back into my marriage. Because the truth is, I was already empty long before Rafiq entered the picture. When my husband and I first got married, we were happy. We were in love. Slowly over time, that love faded, and so did the happiness. The best way to describe it that it became a loveless marriage. I questioned often "where

The pain of when Rafiq pulled away… I still remember it like it was yesterday. My world turned upside down. My happiness disappeared. My sanity slipped away. I begged him for answers.. any explanation, any closure, but I got nothing. Just silence. I couldn’t understand how everything between us could feel so good, and then suddenly change. How I could go from feeling casual about him to sobbing in pain because of him. None of it made sense. I had no answers. I had no control.