My Marriage Was Over.

On our fourth night in Casablanca, my cousin was texting me and asking about my awakening situation.

I had told her about it — the Tahajjuds, the Istikharas I prayed, and how Allah unveiled to me that it was Rafiq

She already knew about the void in my marriage

Her main advice to me was to figure out my marriage situation first before going back to Tehran and facing Rafiq.

I took her advice seriously. Deep down, I already had a feeling in my heart where things were headed, but I didn’t have the strength to accept it.

Later that evening, Zaria went to bed and I was sitting in the corner of the villa using my phone.

My ears started ringing out of nowhere, and I remembered reading that when your ears ring, Allah is about to make something known to you- sometimes through a dream.

I kept it in mind while going to sleep..

And It was correct.

I did have a dream.. except calling it a dream isn’t enough to describe what I experienced that night.

Visually, I didn’t see anything. But emotionally, I felt everything.

It's like Allah dropped a knowing straight into my body.. My brain was asleep, but my heart and soul were awake. My soul was picking up on what Allah was trying to tell me..

It felt like Allah was wrapping it all up- the entire chapter of my relationship with my husband:

our memories,

our love,

our marriage.. all being gathered, wrapped up…

and sealed.

The moment the "seal" happened, my soul felt it. Zaria, on the other hand, started coughing uncontrollably during that moment.. I know coughing sounds very normal, but I knew in my soul in that very moment.. it wasn't.

The energy of that moment; that seal.. it was strong enough to reach her.

Even though I was asleep, I was aware of what was happening. Her coughing felt connected to the intensity of that moment- the closing of a chapter.

Then my eyes opened. And I knew.

My marriage was over.

Allah told me.

It felt like Allah delivered the news directly to my soul so there could be no room for doubts left.. Allah showed me that he wrote an ending for Rafiq and I in our qadr..

Allah did not write for us to be together for a lifetime.

And I felt that truth in my soul.

I checked my phone and it was Fajr on the dot.. what a timing..

I woke Zaria up right that moment and told her that Allah gave me a dream that my marriage is over.. She sat there and adviced me.. in fact we both got up and prayed Fajr.. it's like we got a burst of energy.

So the ears ringing thing was right.. it does mean a message is about to be delivered. It was a powerful message indeed.

That morning, I had no idea how to share this with my husband or my family, or how I would find the strength to walk away.

But I could no longer deny, I knew the decision was already made..

Allah had shown me.