Allah Took Me Back To Him.

My stay in Turkey came to an end and Zaria had a ticket back home. But for me, the journey wasn’t over yet.

I had a ticket booked for Pakistan. A move that made no sense at the time. I was never the type to fly to my home country, especially all alone, but something in my heart had shifted.

I was drowning in heartbreak and exhaustion.

I wanted to get away from USA. I wanted a refresher. A way to reset myself. This plan was made before my awakening started; when I wanted to forget about everything that happened between Rafiq and I.

What's funny is Allah pulled me right into Rafiq's house.

I stayed at my in-laws house for a few weeks as they were also staying in Pakistan.

Then one day, I received a call from Rafiq's mom to visit them in Islamabad as well.

I was torn. A part of me ached to go..to be near Rafiq again, to feel even a trace of relief from the heartbreak. I longed to see him, to hear his voice, to have him speak to me, even if only once more.

But another part of me felt deeply uneasy.

How could I face him after everything that happened?

After all the silence and the distance?

And how would he face me..after breaking my heart the way he did?

Then the days after that, my in laws kept pushing me to go visit them in Islamabad. To go stay at Rafiq's house. And I knew in my soul this wasn't random.

Allah was taking me back to Rafiq's land.. his house.. infront of him. I knew in my soul it was happening for a reason. I didn’t understand the reason- and I accepted that maybe I wouldn’t understand it until much later.

I was expecting the worst. I was mentally preparing for him to ignore me completely.

I had so many theories as to why Allah was taking me there.

Maybe the truth will get revealed.. or maybe nothing will get revealed.

Some stories I read were about awakened women travelling to the man's land and getting no answer and leaving with confusion.

Maybe that would be me too..I didn’t know.

Was Allah's unveiling of Rafiq true?

Was Rafiq just a mirror?

Was this reunion, or closure?

Or would it remain an unfinished story?

I remember getting so scared the night before I knew I was going to Rafiq's house because I honestly didn't know what was going to happen. I was scared that Allah was going to give me closure to this story; a closure I didn't want.

I was afraid to face the truth- whatever it was.

I didn't know what my story was. What my outcome was. But in order to find out.. I had to go back to Islamabad.

I had to face Rafiq.. again.