Our Unfinished Goodbye.

It was my last day in Tehran. My last day with Rafiq. I write this one with grief.. longing.. sadness that still sits in my chest.

When Rafiq came home from work that day, I could feel it instantly.There was tension in the air. A heaviness.He knew I was leaving.He felt it.

Up until this point, nothing between us was addressed. No confession. No apology. No closure. Just silence.. and everything we never said.

I started packing in the afternoon.. His wife and younger brother were helping me weigh my bags.

Rafiq never came inside the bedroom I was staying in. He always went straight into his own room. But that afternoon, he saw them with me, and this time… he came inside.

He pretended to talk about my bags- joking about how I should make them even heavier, but I knew. I knew why he came in. He just wanted to be near me. On the last day.Just once.

The day continued on with all of us having dinner, my last dinner there. I quickly got ready for the airport and went down to say goodbye to his family. His mom was so emotional and was starting to cry.. It also made me emotional.

When I got in the car, it was Rafiq driving and his wife sitting in the back with me. II mentioned how emotional his mother was when I said goodbye.

And he said something I will never forget:

“Well… you are part of the family now.”

I was surprised. That one statement of his meant so much to me.. he couldn't say what he felt directly to me, but the one statement he did made was emotionally loaded. It was easier for him to phrase it from his family's perspective.

The car ride to the aiport was almost one hour. The entire car ride, we kept talking.. he would show me where his work place is.. we were laughing about the songs on the radio.. talking about his day to day schedule.. so many random topics..

He kept the conversation going- and I understood why.

The radio was playing.. and I was not surprised at all that a song about love and seperation started playing.

It was our story.

I know he heard it.

I know he felt it.

We didn’t look at each other, but the silence between us said everything.

When we arrived at the airport, something was different.The entrance didn’t allow relatives to walk any further. I wasn't expecting that. It hit me in that moment.. that was it.. I had to say goodbye. His wife was there. She hugged me tightly and I went to Rafiq and gave him a quick side hug.. I noticed he barely put his arm around me..

I wasn't hurt by it though. I understood that the histation came from his wife being infront of us and also the fact that he couldn't show what he truly felt deep inside.

I quickly let go.. and started walking towards security and as soon as I walked far enough, the tears came out. I coudn't hold it in.

I cried through security.

It felt like I was living through an unfinished sentence.

An unfinished love.

An unfinished goodbye.

Taking nothing away from this trip. No confession. No conversation. Nothing. Not knowing when I will see him again.. if we will ever talk again. If I will ever be in Tehran again..

So many questions and zero answers.

I found a woman's prayer room in the airport and was able to pray Isha. I still remember that prayer like it was yesterday.

I made dua to Allah.. to bring us back together. To make us cross oceans. To finish what was left undone. To bring meaning to all of this.I cried so much during my dua. That was my true moment of surrender. I was leaving.. and I had no idea when I would see Rafiq again.. I had no idea when we would speak again.

I had no idea if he was the one or not. I had no idea if I would be back in Tehran again.

I had no idea if he was just my mirror or destination.

But I still prayed.. that Allah bring us back together despite all the odds.

In that moment, I truly believed that Allah would. Even if my heart is filled with doubt and hopelessness now.. in that moment atleast, I did believe.

That was our unfinished goodbye. And ever since then.. I never heard from him.