What Happened After Tahajjud.

I prayed Tahajjud and after that night, everything shifted.

I still remember it like it happened yesterday. I didn't sleep the entire night. I was awake until 8 am. My love for Rafiq was pouring out of me. It wasn't just in my thoughts.. it was in my soul.

Even the next morning, I told myself "It's okay if he pulled away. It's okay if we never speak again.. As long as I know he loves me deep down.. that's enough for me."

But the funny thing is.. Allah was like.. but wait, there's more.

So I continued praying Tahajjud and even Ishtikhara. Again and again. And slowly, what I now call my mini-unveilings began. Allah didn’t just bring Rafiq back to my heart.

He anchored him there. Deeper. Stronger. Clearer.

It got to a point where I finally realized.. no.

I’m not satisfied just knowing he loves me. I wanted more. I wanted him. I wanted us.

I wanted to marry him. I wanted him to choose me. I wanted Allah to write this “impossible” story into existence.

That was the first time I ever felt that way… and admitted it to myself. And no, it didn’t feel like it came from me. It wasn’t from my own heart.

Allah put it there.

I couldn’t understand where this sudden desire was coming from. I went from having zero expectations… to wanting Rafiq to choose me.To marry me. Despite how impossible everything seemed.

I still can’t explain what came over me. It felt so real. Like this was a desire that wasn’t just mine.. like it was meant to come true.

After that… I began praying Tahajjud and Istikhara twice a day. Every. Single. Day.

And every single time, I would ask Allah..

to change Rafiq’s heart..

to change our destiny..

to make him choose me..

to take away every obstacle..

to help me leave my marriage..

to help Rafiq live his truth instead of hiding from it..

and to bring us together in a halal way.

I made these duas so many times. I remember.

And I will always remember.

Because it was the first time in my life that I put my entire heart and soul into asking Allah for something. And I just knew.. there’s no way this was meaningless.

Something has to come from it.