Preparation for Istanbul, again.

Tomorrow morning I leave for Istanbul.. again.

I am going with a couple of childhood friends for one of their birthday's. My friend picked out Istanbul.. But in my heart, I know this is more than just a “trip.”

Istanbul sits deep in my heart. It's the location where my awakening first started. After Rafiq pulled away.. I went through my heartbreak.. I started praying isthikhara and tahajjud non-stop.. then Allah unveiled me- it's Rafiq.. whether that's true or not.

And just few days after that- I left for Istanbul

If you’ve read my previous blogs about Istanbul, you already know how much that trip means to me. It’s where everything began. Where the magic unfolded.

I remember being on that ten-hour flight, crying the entire time. I felt like I was suspended between two realms- spiritually sensitive, almost in another dimension.

There was so much magic there.

My senses felt heightened.

That first night- the strangers clapping, the server repeatedly saying my name and making mysterious comments, the cats following me. I remember praying in the beautiful mosques, pouring my heart out, praying for Rafiq.

And let's not forget the colors- the reds, the purples, the pinks..

I saw so many colors there.

Sometimes I wish I could relive that magic again… even if just for one day.

So yeah- I am leaving for Istanbul again after 6 months. I don't know the true purpose of this trip. Why is Allah taking me there again?

The timing is also catching me off guard- it's right before my divorce finalizes and my iddat period starts.

I have no idea what the purpose of this trip is.. it could be something internal-maybe even external.. maybe nothing at all.

But I do know this- I’m grateful.

Grateful that Allah is taking me back to the place where all of this began.