Saying Yes To Hijab.

My heart first moved toward hijab during my trip to Casablanca with Zaria- back when my awakening quietly began. Something inside me shifted there. I remember feeling, for the first time, that I want my external to match my internal.

But when I came home, I kept delaying the decision.

Honestly, out of all the rulings in Islam; wearing hijab was the hardest one for me. It's more than just covering hair. It would change my lifestyle, my identity, how I dressed, how I presented myself to the world.

Pretty much my whole adult life, fashion, styling, and makeup were a big part of who I was. I knew that changes come with choosing to wear hijab. It's not just about covering hair.. it's about modesty.

For years I was scared to make this decision. I wasn't ready for the change.. but going to Casablance gave me that spark.. that desire.. to think about change.

The real change, however, didn't happen until I moved back in with my family. And by the time my decision was made, Allah had already been moving my heart Himself.

That entire week, my social media was filled with pictures and videos of women with red hair.

I’ve dyed my hair red before, so of course I got tempted again.

I was torn.

Part of me wanted to dye it “one last time.” Another part of me felt guilty because I had already promised myself that hijab was coming soon.

I told myself- I will dye it one last time before finally covering up for life.

And I was convinced that this was my plan.

One night- I was scrolling through hair colors again.. and I asked myself-

“Do I really want to do this? Am I actually sure?”

I decided to bite the bullet.

In that single moment.. I decided-

I didn’t want to dye my hair anymore.

I didn’t want the “one last time.”

I didn’t want to delay hijab.

I didn’t want to drag my heart into another postponement.

I wanted to wear hijab.

I still don’t know how my heart flipped so instantly, but I know Allah gently walked me through every thought- letting me explore the temptation, the delays, the “maybe later”…

Only to guide me right back to the decision that was meant for me all along.

This was one of the biggest and hardest decisions of my life.

From that night one- I never took it off, Alhumdulilah.