What We Said Before The Silence

It happened.

We confessed.

He told me the feeling was mutual and then he said more. He admitted he had felt this way for a long time. I was completely taken by surprise.

In that moment, I was overwhelmed with happiness that he felt the same… but reality hit me hard. I was a married woman having an emotional and completely inappropriate conversation with another man.

I had been trying so hard to get closer to Islam, closer to Allah and then this happened.The one thing a Muslim woman, a wife, should never do.

I sobbed so much that night because what I was doing. I wanted to be good in Allah's eyes, but suddenly, I felt bad in my own.

Still, I couldn't stop myself. I also couldn't stop Rafiq from feeling what he was feeling either.

The trip ended. I flew back to the U.S.I tried to cut things off or let them fade… but we kept talking.

We texted nearly every other day. We got on calls often; late-night, mid-day, whenever we could find a moment. I’d leave the house just to hear his voice.

We talked about everything; jokes, memories, the future, our dreams.

And of course, we talked about us.

All the while, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I was hiding something so big from my husband. I’d talk to Rafiq on the phone, then come home and step right back into married life, while my husband he had no idea.

The guilt tore at me.

The shame ate me alive because I let Allah down.

I did the one thing I wasn’t supposed to do. I crossed a line that, even if not physical, was emotional and real.

Rafiq and I shared so many conversations.So many words…And so much left unsaid too.

It kept going like this for months.. until one night, everything changed between us.

That's when the silence came and my world shattered.

He pulled away... And suddenly, even silence had a sound. And it was heartbreak.

The biggest one of my life.