The First Tasbihs I Ever Made.

I was visiting my friend Zaria- the one who went to Casablance with me and witnessed my awakening experience.

We spent the day talking about random things, just catching up.

At some point, I noticed a tasbih sitting on her kitchen counter.

It was one I had given her from Makkah- from my trip last year.

When I went to Makkah, I bought several tasbihs. Some for friends and family, and one for myself. But after moving out of my husband’s house, I realized I couldn’t find mine anywhere.

Standing there in Zaria’s kitchen, looking at the tasbih I had gifted her months earlier, it hit me:

I didn’t have a single tasbih of my own anymore.

I had left all of them behind with my husband.

I wanted to start doing dhikr in my alone time.. but I had nothing left. I was debating just buying new ones from my local store.

I was telling Zaria this when she casually said something that changed everything.

She suggested that I start making my own tasbihs.

The idea clicked instantly.

How come I never thought of that before?

The moment she said it- I went on my phone and started making notes of the colors I wanted to get.

I knew there were two tasbihs in particular that I wanted to make.

Both color combinations were very meaningul to me.

Incase you don't know- the two colors that are of most significant to me in my entire awakening journey..

Are purple and teal.

They’re the colors I wore on my last day with Rafiq in Iran.

Purple during the day, teal at night.

I was also wearing a scarf I had bought in Casablanca- a perfect blend of purple and teal.

When I came back from that trip, something shifted. My "Allah" painting, my tasbihs, even the furniture in my living room- everything was purple and teal.

And since then- it became the two most important colors of my entire journey. They carried my transformation.

There was another color combination that started showing up later — after I returned to my husband’s house. I noticed it especially during the time I was planning to leave and move back in with my parents- when I was gathering the courage to take that next step.

When I finally decided to be brave and take the next step.

The colors were pink, mint blue, and lime green. All 3 of them; together.

I saw them everywhere during that period. And even now, occasionally, they still show up.

That combination represents another chapter of my journey.

So when I was at Zaria's house jotting down notes- I decided to write down these colors:

One tasbih in purple and teal.

Another in pink, mint blue, and lime green.

Literally the next day I went to the nearest beads supplies store and purchased the colored beads that I wanted, along with string, charms, pendants...

I came home and made both tasbihs.. and I loved them. Those are the first two tasbihs I ever made.

Ever since then I started going to the bead store near me and starting buying more beads to make tasbihs for myself.

At that point, I stopped thinking too hard about color combinations

I just chose whatever colors spoke to me in the moment.

Whatever pendant called my name.

Each tasbih was different- different colors, sizes, shapes, patterns, even different numbers.

It was the only thing making me feel excited.. helping me get by during those rough times.