Strasbourg Breaking Point.

After staying in Paris for the first three days, I headed over to Strasbourg- a quiet beautiful city in France. I spent three days there as well and similar to Paris- my emotions were super raw. I was crying constantly, no matter where I was.

Then came my last night in Strasbourg- and that was when I hit my first real breaking point.

I didn’t expect it to get that bad.

I was in so much pain.

I remember sitting alone in my hotel room, throwing things around. Sitting on a chair, completely losing it. I had been patient for so long. I had held myself together for so long. And suddenly, I just couldn’t anymore.

I was drowning in pain… and Rafiq was completely fine.

The entire situation was making me so angry. How I was in so much pain.. and Rafiq was completely fine. How he's the one that did something bad, he's the one that broke a promise, he's the one that pulled away..

He was the one who crossed the line.

He was the one who broke a promise.

He was the one who pulled away.

And yet, I was the one left suffering.

It felt so unfair.

Why me? Why not him as well?

I sat there spiraling, thinking of ways to make the pain stop.

What if I messaged his wife?

What if I exposed him?

What if I did anything at all just to get rid of this pain and unfairness that I felt.

Anything at all..

Yet- I sat there and did... nothing.

The pain I was feeling wasn’t like a normal heartbreak. It was something else entirely. It was the kind of pain Allah brings to the surface- the kind meant to test you. An awakened kind of pain. One I had never experienced in my entire life.

I felt bitterness towards Allah because of the imbalance. I felt so helpless.

I even went to sleep that night angry with Allah.. even though a part of me felt guilty for feeling that way.

That's the first time ever that I felt so much heartbreak, pain, helpnessness, anger, bitterness.. all at once. And there's absolutely nothing I could do.

I had to pack my bags the next morning.. and make my way back home. That’s what happens when the breaking point hits-life doesn’t stop for you.

You still have to move forward, even when everything inside you feels shattered.