One Look. One Confession. A Thousand Cracks.

I was falling in love, and I didn't know how to hold it in anymore.

It had only been a few days and I didn't understand how this was happening to me.

The friendly hangouts continued and I acted normal on the surface, but inside I was filled with anxiety, shock, and so many unspoken feelings.

What was once playful and surface-level suddenly began sinking deeper into my body. I kept trying to figure out what Rafiq was feeling- if he felt anything at all for me. I couldn't read him properly. He was always so social, so funny, so casual with everyone.

Days went by with me spiraling, trying to decode his energy.

In some moments, I thought.. maybe he does feel something?

Other moments, I’d convince myself, there’s no way he’d be into a married woman. I had to remind myself.. he is my husband's cousin. He is married himself. He is literally within the family. There's no way he could feel something for me.

I told myself he is just being nice and friendly.

Nothing more.

But then, one night, he was stepping out to get something from his car. As he was leaving, he turned around and gave me one look.

That one look gave everything away.

My body knew.

My heart knew.

The days of back and forth I was having in trying to figure out whether he felt something or not; was undone in that single moment.

Still, I didn’t want to jump ahead. But that same night, after we all went into our rooms from after hanging out, I decided to take a leap of faith and text Rafiq.

Our conversation began like it always did; light, casual, friendly. But slowly, the tone shifted. Something changed. And then came this one moment where I thought to myself..

what if I just ask him?

So I did.

I asked him what he felt for me. I took the leap. I jumped into the fire. I knew the risk involved- we were both married, and I understood the boundaries. But what arose in my heart felt overwhelming, and I didn’t know how to silence it.

I knew if he said no, it would change everything. But who was I kidding; if he said yes, it would change even more. I tried so hard to contain my feelings, but I couldn't anymore. In that moment, I needed to know. I needed the answer.

So I asked.

And he answered.

And that answered changed everything between us.

What I didn't realize in that moment.. was that it wouldn't just change our dynamic.

It would change my entire life.