Facing My Family.

Facing my family was one of the hardest parts of this entire journey. I went into it knowing I had no real “story” to give them. I had nothing to say. And I definitely couldn’t tell them the truth- Rafiq, my awakening, the signs, the unveiling. They would never understand it. If anything, they would think something was wrong with me.

How would I explain to them- that I want to leave a good man? There was nothing bad I could say about my husband. My marriage wasn’t terrible. It was stable. But I wasn’t emotionally satisfied

But this concept does not exist in middle eastern culture. If you grew up in this background, you already know. Divorce is practically unheard of, even in the most upside-down marriages.

On the drive to my family's house, I was just praying to Allah that somehow they understand, that Allah gives them sabr, and makes it easier for me to follow through on what Allah show me himself.

I had to accept the fact that my story won't make any sense to them.

And that was the truth-I had no plan. No script. No rehearsed explanation. I kept thinking, “What am I even going to say?” There was nothing I could present that would satisfy them or make them say, “Yes, that’s a good reason to end a marriage.” Their biggest fear has always been this: their daughter getting divorced.

But that’s how awakenings are. Sometimes Allah puts you in situations with no roadmap. And you still have to take the step. It won't make sense to the world, but Allah is by your side.

You just have to dive in the ocean- even with no practice.

So I went... and I spoke... I said whatever came to my heart. As expected, it made no sense to them. They questioned me a lot and gave me the hardest time ever.. I truly didn’t know how I was going to get through this process with them watching my every move and not understanding any of it.

But in moments like that, all you can do is pray. All you can do is ask Allah to make it easier.