Lonely In A Room Full of People.

This is one of the craziet part's about awakening. No matter how bad it gets, and trust me- it can get pretty bad.. you just can't share this with anybody.

It's so strange.

There is no other experience in life that is like this. If a person goes through all hardship in life, whether its loss, death, heartbreak, illness, depression, etc- they can share it with their loved ones.

I have a lot of loved ones. A big family. Siblings. So many good friends.

I wish so much that I can share my entire awakening experience with someone.. but I know I can't. It's too much.

When my awakening first started in Casablanca, my best friend Zaria was with me. I shared my awakening with her.. She witnessed everything in Casablanca. My name everywhere, the signs, the colors. Till this day anytime I meet Zaria, we both see colors.

I even shared my awakening with my cousin in the beginning. I told her about everything that happened in Casablanca and Iran. I explained to her the basic story arc of awakenings- the guy pulls away, the heartbreak of the awakened woman, no answers from the masculine, unveiling by Allah, and then the signs start.

But that's about it- I can't say more.

How can I tell this to anyone?

How can I explain to people that something crazy is happening to me?

That my life changed overnight. That I am living some sort of mystical reality. That I see signs every single day. That I am going through a totally different and absolutaly far from normal experience.

So much has happened.. unveilings, feeling in between unseen and seen, my instructional dreams, the body sensations, the deep breathing, the itchiness when hearing or thinking of a word, the flutters in my body, the noises that go off when I am supposed to pay attention to something..

How could I ever explain this to people?

I cant.

At this point, whatever I am experiencing is between Allah and I.

In the future, when and if I get married- I hope to share everything with my husband.. and if I am meant to have children, I will share it with them too.

Other than that, it's just me, myself, and I.

And Allah.